Moms usually wonder whether they are doing enough, and looking to the sides, wondering if other moms are doing “better”.
Newsflash: they’re not! Building momfidence is an ongoing job.
When you start a new job you always have certain endorsements: a career, a stint in social service, or experience in other jobs. But when you become a mother for the first time, there is nothing that prepares you, in many cases not even having had a child before because all children are different and are born with different needs. There are no manuals, no academies, or quick courses that give you infallible keys to being a mom and that can often take a toll on your confidence.
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Step by step motherhood
Motherhood isn’t easy, but luckily, today more than ever we have many tools to make it more bearable. However, there are those of us who still struggle with our confidence and self-esteem when it comes to being moms. And it is a surprise, really, if we consider the world, in general, is full of expectations towards us and we also tend to set goals that are too high at times.
How to fight this and become a more confident mom?
- Let yourself be guided by intuition. Women are very intuitive by nature and the good news is that our instincts are usually right when we listen carefully. This is the equivalent of listening to yourself and your children, and then letting yourself be guided by what your heart and gut dictate.
- Keep negative or unsolicited opinions away. For some reason, everyone has something to say about how we raise our kids, even those who do not even have children of their own or are not part of the family. There will always be people willing to give unsolicited opinions, but you have to learn to ignore them because, in general, they only serve to question everything, sometimes unnecessarily. You’re doing it right.
- Every night, practice gratitude. Keep a notebook where each night you write down three things for which you are grateful or three things that have gone well in your day. None of us cried all day? It is also something to be thankful for. These things are indicative of your good work as a mom, and it will do you good to remember them daily.
- Take care of yourself. Take care of your appearance, your hair, your face. Wear the clothes you like, find how to feel good in your own skin. The way you perceive that you look on the outside also has to do with how you feel on the inside, so try to find the time to look how you want to look.
- Remember that no one knows your child like you do. You are the mother, you know what is best for them and also, haven’t you noticed that you share a kind of secret language with your children? No one better than you to identify cries and gestures, and you are the one who knows their schedules and needs.
- Keep learning. Although intuition will always be your best tool, reading about alternative educational methods, taking courses, reviewing blogs, and continuing to learn more about children and motherhood will make you feel more confident and confident in your task. With this, you can get an idea of how to act in new situations that arise throughout the development of your children.
- Put everything in perspective. When accidents or unpredictable things happen, we tend to carry a lot on our shoulders. If one day you turned around for a second and your son fell out of bed, for example, it is likely that you blamed yourself. Put things in perspective. You didn’t do anything deliberately to hurt him, you didn’t leave him in a car with the windows closed, you didn’t lock him up, you didn’t hit him. Accidents happen, make small changes that prevent accidents and are achievable, and don’t beat yourself up forever for it.
- Complement with something else that makes you feel safe. Are you very good at something? Maybe you are a great cook or you are a very good runner. Whatever your talent is besides being a mom, try to practice it at least a couple of times a week. Do the things that make you shine to complement your role as a mother.
Take a deep breath and remember: being a mom is one of the hardest jobs in the world, and you’re doing it perfectly!
You have created for your children a safe, loving environment where they can develop without problems. Don’t let yourself be drowned out by external expectations and keep yours realistic. Part of building momfidence is realizing you are constantly learning.
If you can, find a community of moms where you feel confident and where they can honestly share their experiences – not with a desire for competition, that’s very important – so that you feel supported and understood. That can help you too.
And above all, allow yourself to enjoy your children to the fullest. Every moment counts, live in the present and don’t let anything distract you from the moments that are worth it.